** Trigger Warning: Talk of Miscarriage **

Yesterday I posted that had they made it Earth side my Little Mate’s would have been two!

The messages of love, kindness and support I received were amazing.

I really felt called to write this post. To give you a little insight into my feelings on this day. Because yesterday did not bring sadness. I like to celebrate the day as I would had they been here. So I had ice cream for breakfast!

As I sat in the place I said goodbye to my Little Mate – in what I now think of as our spot (pictured) – I remembered a post a dear friend Sarah Jensen (you can find a podcast I did with Sarah here) wrote during the week – what is the more beautiful question I could ask in this moment. The question that came to me was – What has this loss given me?

Now I know for some this question may be confronting. For me the time since my loss and the healing I have done as allowed me feel into this question.

That question felt surprisingly nurturing.

And the answer was inspiring. It also choked me up.

Some of what I wrote in my diary today is just for me.

But this I wanted to share…
It has been a somewhat rough couple of years since loosing you. It’s also been exactly what I needed.

I wanted to share is how different my life is due to this loss.

The loss of my little mate set into motion a crumbling like I had never known before. I crumbling that quite honestly I am still going through. There are moments in days, whole days where I still feel broken by life. For me it’s not about never experiencing these because I have learnt these moments are beautiful teachers. Although yesterday did feel like a turning point.

That crumbling has led me to me. I was so, so lost before this. And it’s been quite the unravelling to find out who I am.

Would this of happened anyway? It’s something I will never know.

For a long time I thought that having ‘the dream’ – the husband, the kids, the home – was the missing piece to me being happy. Turns out this wasn’t the case.

Turns out I can be happy without this.

Turns out my dream is something entirely different. (Although I still would like the fairytale scenario of living happily ever after with my Prince… lol)

I think my Little Mate knew that and gave me the chance to realise this….

I share moments like this in the hope that it allows you to see that you too may one day look back on something that caused heartache and pain through a different lens, with a heart more open – give yourself time and space to ask a more beautiful question.