Last year I wrote a blog leading into the New Year about the pressure of New Years Eve – the setting of New Year Resolutions, the way our New Years Eve ‘should’ play out. This came from the emphasis that was everywhere regarding the fact we were heading into a new decade. Looking back this message I gave in that post (which you can read here) was so spot on for what turned out to be quite a year….
This year I am called to do the same again. This year I wanted to take a different tack. This year I want to address what we put down as our resolutions, our goals, our resolutions and where these actually come from.
Where did this need to have a list of things to do and achieve come from?
We are constantly fed the need to keep pushing, to make ourselves better. And if we don’t we are somehow failing. A lot of this is fed to us by the self-help industry. If I look back this was anything but helpful for me. In fact that pushing to be ‘better’ lead me down a path of heart-ache, disillusionment, anxiety + health issues.
I was one of the people that had 50 to 100 things I wanted to achieve every year. I would start with such vigour such determination. But it would fade. The ticks next to those goals became less… until the end of year approached. Then with all the flurry that not doing enough brings I would try and bust out some more so I didn’t feel like I had failed. We end up finishing the year not feeling enough which then leads us to set even more goals, stricter intentions. As I am writing this I can see that this is exactly how we are kept in the loop of never being enough and feeling like a failure.
Let’s reframe our ‘failure’.
But what if we reframed that feeling of failure… what if it wasn’t our failure of being able to stick to what we set out to do? What if it didn’t mean we lacked willpower? What if the not ticking off those goals pointed is to the real failure? To the failure to truly know ourselves…
We strive to do, to be. But what is this striving and doing and being actually for? Who has decided what it is we are striving for? Has that really come from what you desire? Or is it what you believe you should desire?
Because I can assure you the reason we didn’t tick off those goals had nothing to do with willpower or being consistent or showing up for ourselves. We didn’t tick off those goals or stick to those resolutions because they didn’t light us up. They didn’t come from a place within us that truly meant something, that truly resonated.
Try something different this year.
If we truly knew ourselves. Knew what lit us up, what gave us that feeling of excitement, that made us hum – we would never have put some of those things on that list to start with…
So why not try something different this year… why not try having just one goal, one resolution, one intention. One that when you really apply yourself to, I promise will change you and make any goal list you make in the future one that you will have ticks next to.
What about making that resolution, that goal, to truly and deeply know and understand yourself?