There are times in our lives where our only option is to respond. Actually in my life this is exactly how I need to live. When I push to make things happen I am left feeling frustrated and stuck.
This very moment in my life is one of those times. I have had the man who I loved with all my heart; the man who told me he would never leave me – walk out on me, on our life, to be with someone else. To say it has thrown my life would be into chaos is an understatement. It has shaken the ground on which I had envisioned my future would be built on. Everything that I wanted in my life was with him. Not only do I not have him, that future I wanted also feels like it has been taken.
Now this may sound fatalistic. I’m often guilty of putting on shit coloured glasses to see the world when only one part of my life isn’t rosey. Whilst it certainly feels like this, the reality of it is I can still have the future I want, it has just been put a little further into the future than I previously thought. This also could have all happened because the future I had envisioned for myself wasn’t actually with that man who walked out on me…
Many people look at me and see strength. I can understand why. I have been knocked many times and continue to rise – smiling, shoulders back, head up. I always look for the lesson. I may not always learn it – actually I probably don’t learn it, hence why I am here again…
This time the ability to rise has been tough. Outwardly I may appear to be smiling, with my shoulders back and head up. Inside though is a different story. I feel broken. I feel unloved. Unloved by the person who should love me the most – me.
Maybe all those times of struggle, of being knocked, of having to rise where given to me to prepare me for this one. So that each time I could become a little more battle hardened. So that I would know I had the resources to be ok.
So to you my nieces… learn from my path, my mistakes and my triumphs.
Know that you are always strong enough to rise. Life is but cycle, we have highs and we have lows. Remember the sun will always shine again and I will always stand beside you.
When you are down remember to be kind and compassionate to the ones who put you there. You want to be able to always walk away knowing in your heart that you were kind and compassionate – anger and resentment will not serve you in the long run.
Take time to feel all the emotions. Feel the hurt, the sadness, the anger – let it all wash over you. Don’t let it consume you. Remember the opposite of these – love, joy and happiness – can be felt in the very next moment.
Be vulnerable. Reach out to those around you for help. Asking for help and support will be your biggest strength. Never feel guilty in continuing to need to receive love and support. There will have been times in your past you would have provided this for others and many times to come in your future, when you can repay those that provided this to you through giving your love and support.
Be brave with your lives. Live the life you want. Don’t let your fears or the fears of those around you stop you from doing what makes your heart happy. Always follow the path that brings you joy.
Most of all I want you to know that you are always enough. Nothing outside of you should ever determine your worth. You were bought into this world completely perfect and whole. Carry this with you and know that you are still completely perfect and whole. You are always worthy and you are always enough.